I wanted to write in for the letters section. I think it is quite troubling there is a site devoted to such a topic, but at the same time am sure glad I found it. I am a 30yo woman and have been on paxil for a solid decade. I was able to go off of it easily with 2 pregnancies, but following had to go back on it. I think my hormones may have helped, my third pregnancy I was unable to stop taking it. I have found great relief in taking it but do not like that I am hooked on it and have decided to seek more natural alternatives. I have tried to taper and go cold-turkey off the paxil a handful of times with no luck. I have spent a couple of attempts hanging my head over the toilet vomiting for a full day or more because of such severe withdrawl. I am now trying to taper very slowly off it again. The last three weeks have gone quite well but I feel I am hitting a wall again as I reach my final stage of tapering. I feel feverish, am having severe coughing bursts because my lungs feel tight, sudden bursts of tears for no apparent reason, almost a drunk-like full body dizziness, and I will not even mention the speed at which my moods are fluctuating.
I started this medication on a physicians advice following the sudden death of my father. It helped me get through a very hard point in life. I was under the impression it was safe and non-habit forming though. Anyone that says it is not habit forming is full of crap because I have never experienced such hell as I do everytime I try to get this medication out of my system. I am starting to think I should check myself into a drug rehab clinic just to get through this once and for all. What a horribly deceitful way for a pharmaceutical company to profit. Good Luck to all trying as I am! We can do it!

When learned I was a few weeks pregnant, my doctor recommended I stop taking Paxil CR 12.5 mg/day. She mentioned other antidepressants were better suited for pregnant women. She recommended I take one pill every other day for two weeks and then stop taking Paxil altogether. I followed her instructions for four days and then decided to stop altogether. I had stopped taking Paxil a year or so before but never had any problems. Immediately I began to feel like I had a very bad hangover with constant headaches, dizziness, and nausea. Smells began to bother me. The smell of my two golden retrievers, that never bothered me before, now made me sick. And I was unable to articulate many of my thoughts. I found it difficult to concentrate and even watching television was painful. Usually a very tolerant person, I became a grump, a grouch. I was so miserable in my own skin. I wasn’t comfortable being awake but I wasn’t able to get to sleep. Once I feel asleep, I was so thankful for six to seven hours of being out of the misery. Then I awoke to the horror all over again. Four days into this, I was still thinking it was morning sickness. With my first pregnancy, I never felt like this. Then I hit what I consider my lowest low. I began thinking horrible thoughts. My husband and I had hoped to become pregnant for more than three years, but if this was how morning sickness was going to feel with this pregnancy, I couldn’t do it. It was with these thoughts I knew something was definitely wrong. That’s when I realized maybe it wasn’t the pregnancy making me feel this way. I went online and am so thankful for your website. I’m not sure how I’m going to beat Paxil but I’m going to find a way, along with my doctor. Our plan is to take one pill every other day for a week and then take half a pill every other day for a week. I should be Paxil free at the end of two weeks. As I laid in bed trying to get to sleep last night and still feeling the horrible "Paxil flu", I had a great (or what I consider a great) thought. I was ready to check myself into the hospital for a few weeks. Just let them feed me, take care of me until I beat this horrible drug. And wake me up when it's over. Had I know about the addiction and the horrible withdrawal symptoms, I never would have begun taking it. Thank you again!

I found this site thank to the "seroxatmad forum". I am an italian girl and been on Seroxat just 3 months and a half because of an episode of strong depression occured this summer. At the beginning i felt so good that I simply thought Wow! Why didn't I do that before?
Finally starting feeling good with other people,not always with that eternal sense of guilty and most important of all I felt detached, as the problems didn't belong to me, as if I could leave them closed in a part of my brain. I stopped crying,I stopped my obsessive thoughts, I felt as if I finally enter in the world of adults, nothing that hurted me before could touch me now. I just felt good. At the beginning. Than I started sleeping too much (10/13 hours) and I realized that my sensitivity was disappearing. I am a writer and sensitivity means all to me and I realized that I didn't have ideas anymore but I didn't feel like I wanted to have: I was doing nothing and simply didn't care than I had bad bulimia attacks that I didn't have from years. Too much I though, I must face my problems, come what may and so I took my decision (after taking informations on withdrawal effects) and stopped with Seroxat At tha beginning (2 days to be honest!) i took 10mg than just stop.
Well dear Frank, I cannot believe what is going on, I cannot believe to all these side effects I feel right now: -Extraordinarily vivid dreams - Extreme confusion - Steady feeling of existing outside of reality -Memory and concentration problems - Extreme dizziness - Speech problems / inability to use or find the right word - Headaches - Profuse sweating - Chills and hot flashes - Blurred vision - Breaking out in tears -Nausea -Constant white noise in the ears Disruption of menstrual cycle - Tension in the lower jaw - Itchiness
And another weird thing I don't know if it is because of it but I have many bruises on my legs Isn't that too much?
I prefere to face my depression that to poison my body like that don't you think? I hope this will be gone in 2 weeks. I would like to know if you can suggest something that can help (I read of Vitamin B and lecitin) I went to a pharmacy yesterday since I had a very bad sudden nausea and the pharmacist didn't suggest anything at all, he just stated that I felt like that because I had read all the side effects and this influenced me!!! "Vaffanculo" I thaught! Cannot believe to how many stupid people are in the world. Anyway this is my story. If you think that my english is quite good and I can be helpful for translations I am avaiable. Thank you for taking the time of reading me

just wanted to thank you for having a site such as yours up on the web. I'm actually a resident physician currently going through Paxil withdrawal, and I couldn't find any useful or helpful info in my medical searches. Then I used Yahoo search and got to your site. I finally feel "uncrazy". I've known that such a syndrome existed, but not the severity of it. I too , like many on your site, wondered if I was exaggerating my symptoms, or if I was just plain crazy, because the "zooms" or zaps as alot of others call them are so bad. If I turn my head too fast, there's the zooms in my ears, and I get dizzy, possibly even loosing my balance. I can't sleep, I'm hot, I'm crying all the time. It's gotten so bad, and not getting better, that I was even contemplating getting back on the Paxil- but I know then I'll be back at square one. I thought I was so smart to do my own slow taper, but I obviously didn't taper slow enough, and due to reading other patients letters, perhaps I will try to go slower to alleviate some of the symptoms. It's just so nice and somewhat comforting to know that I'm not the only one to go through this and I will hopefully get through it. I AM going to have a chat with my psychiatry colleagues about this, although it won't be easy to admit how I know so much about it, and push them to educate their patients before they get on the drug. I don't think Paxil would have been my first choice knowing what I know now.

Please reconsider taking the site down. It really has made a difference in my life tonight, and in many others, from reading the stories.

There's good news and bad news. The good news is that I've stopped taking the Paxil, Lorazepam and all that other fun stuff. The bad news: I'm cranky as a Muther...

As some of you may know, last year, I blew a fuse. In general, nothing gets under my skin. Some might say I'm even a little removed or oblivious. However you care to classify it, I'm a generally happy dude--sarcastic, but happy.

Last year was a rough year for a lot of people close to me, and a lot took place right at the beginning of the year. Rumor has it I was wearing myself down with school and work. Then I topped that off with some close friends facing major losses, as well as people having health issues close to home.

Whatever the case may be, I started having some monster anxiety attacks: hyperventilating, heart jumps the whole deal. When I wasn't in the middle of a panic attack, they seemed like silly nonsense. But, when I was having one, I'd feel like Fred Sanford: "It's the big one Elizabeth, I'm coming to see you!"

In reality, these attacks could have had nothing to do with things going on in my life. There are family members that are alleged to have had similar symptoms at the same age. Let's blame them...KIDDING.

Regardless of the source, I classify this fuse blowing as a temporary inconvenience. In response to these little episodes, I had a wall of drugs thrown at me. After a month or so, yep, they stopped the panic attacks. I mean, after all, how could you panic when you are probably more legally stoned than Ozzy?

If you know me, you know I'm kind of fast paced and hyper (go ahead, give me the sarcastic NO? YOU? HYPER?). So, to say that this drugged fog was cramping my lifestyle would be an understatement. I was constantly in slow motion (for me), for the rest of you, I might have been just about normal.

Point being, I'm not a fan of pill popping and the drugs were cramping my style. So, it's time to test the water without them. In December I stopped taking the Lorazepam (ativan) with out any noticible side effects. Wait, I thought this was supposed to be the addictive one! Nothing so interesting. I quit it without any notice. I keep them around as a safety net, but haven't so much as looked at them since December.

So, here I am 6 months later. I've been in the fog for about a year. It's time to take a test drive without the Paxil. In the day, I was up as high as 25mg/day. For most people, probably not a big dose, but it was enough to fog me in. This was cut to 20mg of Paroxetine when Paxil was shut down for selling inconsistently mixed drugs out of Puerto Rico. Anyways, end of June, I talk to the Doc and convince him to roll me off the drugs. The ramp down was a quick one in my opinion, but hey, I'm game! Cut the pills in half for a week then stop all together. So, here I am first full week without Paxil. Now they advertise that their withdrawal symptoms are a few days of flu like symptoms...haha, Liars! Here's what I've observed:

Insomnia: Hey, I can deal with it. I think this is largely because I was in low gear for a year and I'm starting to get my energy back. So, I'm both hyper and sleepless--LOOK OUT...haha.

Muscle Cramps: Ouch! For about 4-6 days I couldn't move my back. Then it moved to my lower calves (or calfs). That one was a bitch. I felt like a pirate walking around on two peg legs. Imagine trying to win a beerpong tournament on two peg legs! Those were the two major ones, the rest were just general aches. But, I can tell you, that beyond the muscle cramps in my legs, there's a general sensation in my legs that annoys the crap out of me. It doesn't hurt, but it's there and it's weird.

Crazy Dreams: I never remember my dreams. It's probably because they get in the way of my valued sleep time. But, lately I've had some doozies. Funny stuff. I should write them down some time.

Zapped: No, not like the movie, but I've got this non-stop ringing in my ears and I get these series of squeezes or some kind of zaps. Nothing major, but they're strange sensations. The only way I can describe them is watching your lights dim when the air conditioning goes on. Nothing goes out, but there's a quick, sudden pull on the system.

Dizzy: for just a couple of days I was dizzy. I just figured it was me psyching myself out. But, it's gone now so who cares.

Irritability: OOOOOO DOGGY! This is the good one! My wife and friends now call me "Old Cranky Bastard." Funny stuff. I've never been so ready to pounce and give somebody the business! I have to sit back and laugh a little when I hear the things that are coming out of my mouth. If they're aimed at you, I'm sorry.

I'm hoping this is a temporary product of uncrossing my wires. But, everybody that knows me knows that this is out of character for me. But, seriously, I'm one cranky Mo'Fo. My fuse is short and I stay mad as a wet hornet. I fully acknowledge it and I see it from a mile away. But, little I can do once I get rolling. Some of it, mostly work related, is like a major dose of truth syrum. You ever feel like you see things clearly and want to call a spade a spade. That's how I am right now. I've always had a sarcastic gait, but now it's got barbed wire!

I've been known to say "there's a fine line between sarcasm and brutal honesty." In some respects, I've crossed that line over into absolute, unrestrained brutal honesty. Makes me giggle some times!

Emotional Swings: Yup, got that. Hyper, Happy, Sad, Mad, Letting things pile up on me. Figured that just went with the territory from coming out of the fog.

The short of this is that it can't last long. Either I'll get over this or somebody's going to hit me with a bus! In the mean time, please do not poke the caged animals! I bite!

I would like to share my story. I started taking Paxil in January to help sleep problems stemmed from anxiety. I was given Paxil and told it was not habit-forming and the side effects would be in the sex area.

I started at 10mg and by the second week my doc wanted me to jump to 40mg. I was nervous and stayed at 10 then gradually moved to 20 and then 25mg once daily. At 25mg I was pretty sedated. My sleep was better as I was better rested mentally but it became a joke among my family to not call or visit before 2pm on weekends because I was still in bed asleep and in bed by 9 that night.

I had a routine I began in November of working out 5 times per week and had cut my calories to a sensible diet. I was in my best physical shape ever and I began gaining weight 2 mos. after starting Paxil. I cut my fat and calories more, increased working out and continued to gain weight. I even contempled taking a pregnancy test while on birth control because the weight gain was so rapid lol. I even pryed my sedated butt outta bed earlier and added more to my work out routine... and the weight still came. From January until July I had gained almost 20 pounds on Paxil.

So I decided to quit. I bought some great books on cognitive behavior training to help work out my anxiety and bad thinking habits and began to ween. I started by dropping down to 20 mg which went fine but when I dropped to 15 things went bad. I crashed one day and just didn't want to be here anymore. Logically I knew it was the Paxil because I never had not wanted to be part of life even at my worst in anxiety. I fougght intruding thoughts and had a night of constant panic attacks and worried I would never feel the same again. I raised my dose to 20mg again and then began to taper very slow. I have been tapering down by small doses weekly... about 2-3 mg a week down. I hate how slow it is BUT I am not having any side effects. I had one day where I had 3 lip zaps... that was a weird sensation but was it as far as side effects! I am down to 7mg and am looking forward to being off this crazy a$$ med for good. A part of me wants to go 5 mg then nothing and be done with it - but I know the smart thing to do is keep babying down the small mg way. I guess I figured when I originally read about SSRI's causing weight gain I thought I could control it with diet and exercise but paxil is the devil when it comes to weight. I also recommend cognitive therapy as a tool for fighting anxiety and panic. I wish everyone good luck and recommend a very slow taper (2-3mgs) a week for no side effects.

Just thinking about it, scares the living daylights out of me .. I could no longer stand up straight without being ZAPPED to the ground by my own brain within a few seconds .. I haven't really slept since .. I tried but the zapps keep me awake .. On sunday I did fall asleep (was I simply too tired ? were the zapps less intense ?) .. yet I slept only very briefly since I dreamed I was sleeping and dreaming that I was sleeping and dreaming .. and all of a sudden in the dream in the dream I got scared awake .. it woke me in the dream of the dream, it rippled over to the dream and a fraction of a second I was wide awake. Very very disturbing, but I thought it was just because I was so tired. I should have known better ... A few hours later I -all of a sudden- briefly thought about my one true love, the girl that set off my very first panic attack .. it was just a meaningless memory like you have daily about just about anyone you know or knew .. but this was different .. I heard myself say her name out loud, I saw her perfectly clear before me and BANG all hell broke loose. Full panic attack !!! I started crying uncontrollably .. I crashed .. I wanted to die IMMEDIATELY .. I was shaking, crying, raging, all at once and more intense than ever .. I felt my heart explode .. I was dying right there and then .. I could not control my body, I fell to the ground, I was zapping all over my body now (no longer only the left side) and it was painful and not just annoying and disturbing, In the meanwhile I was screaming not because of the physical pain of the zapps, but of the emotional pain .. I can't live without her .. I love her !!!! .. I felt like a wild animal being murdered and for the very first time I experienced uncontrollable physical aggression .. I had to fight if I still wanted to live in 10 seconds !!! When I calmed down (seconds, minutes, hours later ???) I was on the other side of the room, looking back at the destruction I caused. I am soooooo grateful that nobody was around because I would have killed them .. I don't know why .. I was mortified, petrified .. a panic attack like I never experienced before. I spent the rest of the day crying, zapping, raging, hating, loving .. all the emotions I had lost since I started the treatment. My heart pounding in my chest .. trying to synchronize my breathing in between the zapps. I am doing better now .. I am still zapping (left side only again and usually normal non-painful intensity), I can't sleep, I am constantly eating enormous quatities of food, I am full of sexual lust, I can't focus at work (just had to leave today) but I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy !!!! I laughed today .. the tears are running down my cheeks just thinking about it, I can laugh whole hartedly !!! Just laughing because of something funny. I forgot that was possible .. not laughing because you are supposed to, but laughing because you spontaneously laugh. I am not going to work tomorrow, I'll see my doctor and demand a package of benzo's just in case I feel a panic attack coming .. I'll tell him what I experienced with his "safe" SSRI .. I feel like I awoke from a deep coma .. I'd rather know that I am alive and wanting to die, than ever again being in the situation caused by paroxetine : not having the feeling I want to die, but actually being emotionally dead. If necessary I'll accept the constant zapps, the insomnia, the now constant suicidal thoughts .. I have only one wish .. being capable of an occasional spontaneous laugh or feeling of love. The fear of "when is the next panic attack coming" is sickening .. I will need benzo's or I will die or worse: kill someone else if I ever have one of those again like I had this weekend (after quitting paroxetine) .. I just know that ... but I choose this over the HELL of this drug. I'll get my life back together .. I will !!! I am scared .. I am unstable .. I am suicidal .. but still I'm alive .. I survived. Nobody should experience the inevitable SSRI Withdrawal Syndrom.

I am on day four of "no Paxil" and have endured two weeks of slow weaning torture. I had to think a lot about with your question of what would be worse, an evening with Jack the Ripper or Paxil because I think I did spend one night with him recently. That was about as much fun as trying to talk to a car repair guy today when I felt like Linda Blair doing the head trick. He asked if I was ok and I replied that I was fine, and I was, compared to yesterday.

My drug came as a result of a Cancer scare which was caused by Estrogen my GYN
shoved in a bag during the discovery that I was Menopausal. She then gave me Paxil to take care of any anxiety I had over her almost killing me with the Estrogen. God, I feel better now, I really do. I can not look down at my breast scar as it makes me dizzy. My husband can't look at my breast because the thought of sex repulses me. I am not worried about dying anymore because I wish I would. See she knew what she was doing. And so this is what it is like, taking good care of yourself.

I have been blessed with all of the side affects of this drugs withdrawal symptoms. My first was actually the funniest, no make that the only funny one. The rest have nearly killed me to be honest. I got up one morning and on the way to the bathroom I saw my face in a mirror. I stood there wondering who it was. I tried to push and pull my face back into shape. It looked like my face was made of rubber and somehow during the night had gotten pulled out of place. It reminded me of 1971 and my first and last experience with Mr. Doobie. I have always been a been fan of reality so I never had much interest in drugs. Aging and having a five year old to care for has pushed me into taking better care of my health and that's when my problems began I guess.

My first sign was Ms. Putty face in the mirror but my second was the return of night sweats. Then they came fast and furious. I was talking to a co-worker when I felt a "zing" in my head. I ran to my office and closed the door, sure I was having a stroke. I felt it over and over, jolts of electrical currents running through my head. I stayed there all day slumped over my desk till I crawled out after everyone had left and drove home. I crawled into bed at home and endured many more during the night. I called in sick the next day and during the morning I realized I had not taken my vitamins or Paxil in several days. I took two Paxil and in what seemed like an hour, the jolts stopped. I got on the Internet and ran up Paxil withdrawal. I never cry, never. I cried all day. I knew I was in for a ride
having been given a small sample. I was scared and I was pissed which makes me laugh now because that was before I met RAGE. Oh how I now know what rage feels like. It is powerful, dark and it lingers just below the surface sometimes emerging just enough to give you a glimpse before it goes back under. It entices you to let it come out and show its power. I have a respect and fear of its power but also a new respect for my determination and willpower as it will not emerge, not on my watch, but I digress.

I got information on withdrawal from sites like this. I made a list and I went shopping. I bought Dramamine, Advil Migraine, Vitamin B12 and water. I cut my 20mg into half for three days, then quarters. I had the luxury of going to an office, locking the door and letting the demons loose. I did not "CALL MY DR BEFORE GOING OFF THIS MEDICATION" and that was a good thing, trust me. When I had to go home at nights, I begged my husband to keep our daughter away from me. One of our dogs crossed my path on a bad night. I had a fork in my hand and rage came to visit. I shook, fought and I won but no one should ever have to be put through this. I cry every time I think of my sweet dog who loves me so much and how badly I wanted to hurt him. What are they thinking to give this to us and make us suffer the fires of HELL on Earth. We were hurting and we were given something to make us feel better. We were vulnerable and we were trusting. You look at the Web pages and you see words on every page that describe this as HELL and you know that two weeks into it you are still maybe months away from being out of its grasp. Prior to this I never knew a moment in my life of rage. I have it in me now. For how long I do not know but just knowing that it is there scares me. Anger always came slowly and quietly to me, now rises up in my throat with no warning.

My sister just called and told me in a quite voice that I had been a little "sharp" with her this past Saturday. I have been a full out hating, snarling beast inside and letting out as little as possible. She said I had never used the tone of voice I used with her that day and I know she was hurt. I thought the day was excellent and felt other than my eyes rolling around in my head and the world spinning around me at light speed I had done pretty well. The Dramamine works wonders on the nausea and the headaches are held at bay by the Advil. My leg cramps were less severe last night and for the first time in weeks I woke up without the pain in my jaws from clenching them all night. I read a newspaper today and I talked to my husband. My ears are ringing and the swishing never stops but maybe it will someday soon.

I do not know the why or the how of this drug, how it came to be that no one realized what it would do to us. I read your Web page because I want to laugh at this but I can not. I am a very strong woman who has endured very much adversity in my life. From a childhood of abuse to 16 years in a very unhappy marriage. I pulled myself through all of this and then walked into a DR's office and had my world shattered into rubble by a little pink pill. I want to go to her office tomorrow. I want to rip open that closet full of freebies and I want to throw them away or slip them into her drink every day and then stop. I don't know what I want to do. I want her to know what her little pink pill did to me, to others. If I am strong, if all of us made it to the Web page because we are smart and strong, what happens to the rest ? Who helps the ones who can't help themselves. Are those the ones we read about who "passed suddenly"? Then it is our responsibility to speak out about this atrocity. I will, when the world stops spinning.